"I will NOT be pregnant forever."

Humans were not created to be with child for 15 months in a row but that is how long I have been pregnant. My pregnancy with River ended far too soon, after we lost him we never thought we would get pregnant again, let alone so quickly. Low and behold our little rainbow chose the month after my surgery with River to be conceived. I think she might have been created the very week we were given the okay from the doctor to be together again. Therefore, I went seamlessly from one pregnancy to another, no breaks. 

Crafts have kept me busy!

Here I sit, very pregnant, in false labor for the fourth time and impatiently waiting for this rainbow to make her appearance. I do not want to rush this little girl into the world before she is ready but doesn't she understand how tired mama is of being pregnant? My reasons for wanting to labor are selfishly driven, this I understand. I have spent the better part of my days trying to center myself which led me to my new mantra, I will NOT be pregnant forever. 

The ironic part about all of this is I know I will miss her once she is born. It is such a miracle that I am pregnant in the first place that this little girl could be my last pregnancy, my last squishy baby, my last rainbow. She might not be, we could be blessed again, but I never take any baby in our family for granted. I know once she is born I will miss her little movements inside of me, the feeling of her baby hiccups and funny booty dances. I know I will miss that special pregnant feeling, when people smile at you in the grocery store and get the door for you. Soon I will be that crazy lady who had three kids in under two years. I will go back to looks of pity and rude comments from strangers about how loony I am to have so many kids so close together. Soon I will have to put on my brave face and take my "come back" comments out of my back pocket.

Soon...soon...but not right now. For now I am still pregnant, a mother of twins, a wife to B and a Professor on maternity leave. Right now I am still a holy vessel carrying and nurturing our third miracle child. Right now I anxiously await her arrival while freaking out that my house is not clean enough, my freezer is not full enough and I will never have enough cloth diapers.

For right now I am still pregnant.