Cora's Birth Story

I had so much hope but also a lot of fear when I woke Tuesday morning. I knew it was my last chance to give birth naturally before facing a hospital induction. My mother came to help me run errands and play with the twins. Once we put them down for a nap a lovely midwife named Jill came to give me an induction massage. For the first time in days I let go of tension and fear and gave in to the unknown. When she left I took my second try at castor oil. The foul tasting oil did nothing the week before but I figured it couldn’t hurt. I then retreated upstairs to stay centered.

The rushes began suddenly at 6:30pm and at 8:00 I called my midwife Kelly. By the time she arrived my rushes were 2 minutes apart and gaining intensity. I was so grateful to be in labor that I vocally thanked the baby and God often for the rushes and the labor. Kelly prepped my room while coaching me through rushes. Around midnight we tried to get some rest but as soon as Kelly tucked us in and went downstairs I felt a huge pop and sent Brad running for Kelly. It was my water breaking and labor was fast and furious after that point.

I climbed into the bath tub and things became very intense, suddenly my body took over and began to push with out my consent. Kelly got me out of the bath and on to all fours. I pushed a few times but suddenly we had a concern because I began to bleed a little. Quickly I was on my side and needing to push hard to get her out as fast as possible. Kelly had to cut me and in 2 seconds her whole body shot out and was placed on my belly.

We found out later that a small piece of the placenta became detached which is what caused the

bleeding. Cora Joan Heidenberg was born at 2am on April 10th after a short 8 hour labor weighing 6 pounds 7 ounces and 18.5 inches long. I was in transition for about 20 minutes and pushed for about 30 minutes.

My midwife Kelly was like sunshine, calm, warm and full of love. She was the best person I could have chosen to guide me. Her partner Joscelyn was amazing, a beautiful person inside and out who truly made me feel like a warrior mother. Brad was a fantastic birth partner, he said all the right things and knew when to help. I am so grateful to my birth team, our chemistry was truly magical. Our birth was calm, not nearly as painful or intense as I expected, full of love and absent of fear. It is my deepest wish that all women are empowered in their birth and can birth with out fear. 

Fear Release for Birth:
from talkbirth.me
There goes all fear you hold about giving birth. The birth will be perfect.
There goes all fear you hold about healing. You will heal beautifully
There goes all fear you hold about not being a good mother. You will be enough.
There goes all fear of never being creative again. You have a deep well of creativity within your soul.
There goes the deepest, most private fears you have about giving birth. 

You will be enough. You will be enough. You are strong enough.

My amazing midwife is Kelly Olmstead, of Dawning Mama Midwifery in Santa Cruz, https://www.facebook.com/pages/Dawning-Mama-Midwifery-Services/145193487403?ref=ts&fref=ts 

What You May Not Know About the Hard of Hearing

Some people are shocked to discover that I am HOH (Hard of Hearing), this is thanks to the fact that I lost my hearing slowly from childhood to adulthood. As an adult I sit with about a 55dB level loss with one ear worse then the other which means I am very near the cut off for understanding conversation. I thought it might be informative and maybe even funny for me to post some things you may not know about what it is like to be HOH.

1. I am not ignoring you: It happens at least once a day that someone tries to get my attention and I do not respond so they assume I am ignoring their efforts. The truth is I didn't hear you! It is okay to tap me on the shoulder, this is culturally appropriate and I rarely bite :)

2. I can hear some sounds clearly and other sounds are soft: This makes the harder to hear "softer" sounds nearly impossible to understand. Example, a movie that has background music. I can almost always hear music better then voices so the music takes over and I can no longer hear the voices. This often results in a TV that is unbearably loud to normal hearing and closed captions on at all times. It also means that if you play music in the car I can not hear you most of the time.

3. I get "sound overload" that leads to headaches: Since I have to concentrate so hard on what people are saying or what sounds mean I often get very tired or a headache from all the extra work. Therefore, I love my silence!

4. Lip reading is NOT fool proof: Example "ball" and "fall" look the same as well as many other words. This can become a comedy of errors really fast! Plus in order to lip read well I need decent light, little background noise and a person who talks normally and with out an accent. I usually catch about 75% of what a person says on a good day meaning I might miss a word or two and ask you to repeat several times. Sometimes I just cannot get it and need the person to rephrase or write it down.

5. I chose not to wear a hearing aid for good reasons: I hate hearing aids, they get nasty feedback and only make sounds you can already hear louder. They are a very simple device that consists of a microphone which picks up the sound, an amplifier which makes the sound louder and a speaker that sends the sound down your ear canal. It is the same device you would use to speak to a crowd of people. So what happens if your cell phone gets too close to that microphone? Yep, feedback, right in your ear...lovely. Even if they didn't get feedback it is not helpful that both the music and the speaking gets louder, if I am having a hard time understanding speech but I can hear the music having everything louder is not going to solve the problem. Don't worry, I get along just fine with out them!

6. I hate using the phone: My friends and family get mad at me that I rarely answer the phone. The main reason is I can barely hear anything on a phone and need the sounds to be amplified. The house needs to be quiet so I can concentrate and with two year old twins at home my house is almost never quiet! 

7. I don't know that I am shouting: My family used to get so mad at me for shouting all the time when I was younger. I slowly learned to turn down my voice and realized that even if I could not hear myself others can hear me. When I speak now I often do not hear my own voice unless the environment is quiet. 

8. I don't want to fix it: It is odd to others that I do not want hearing aids and I do not want to fix my "problem". In fact, I kinda wish I had more hearing loss. I often feel that it would be a more peaceful life. Plus I wouldn't hear all the stupid comments from strangers in public asking if my girls are twins, if they are a boy and a girl and why I was crazy enough to want more! Not hearing those would be awesome :)

9. I prefer using Sign Language: If you know some signs I would much prefer to have a conversation with you in ASL then try to read your lips. It gives my head a rest and I can relax and enjoy conversing with you.

10. I love the Deaf culture: I may not be deaf but I am Deaf. When we use "deaf" we are referring to an actual hearing loss or a medical condition or making a cliche comment like "my words fell on deaf ears." When you use Deaf you are talking about a person who identifies with the Deaf community, uses ASL, and perhaps works for the community or lives in the community. Even though I am HOH I still consider myself a part of the Deaf culture.

There are many more but it is time for this overdue mama to rest! Feel free to ask me questions below!

They Bite, Hit and Scream - Toddlers Testing Limits

As I write this post one of my almost two year old toddlers is biting her lovey and looking at me with one eye brow raised to see my reaction. Mothers have all been here before, Toddlerville, the land of testing limits. B and I are very communicative parents, we always discuss who we will jointly respond to each new limit test so the girls get the same reaction from both of us. This is great but what is a mama to do when the negative reaction is still a reaction and therefore the child "wins"? Then you add in the fact that I have this times TWO and I am a very tired mama who is over due in my pregnancy...you have a recipe for a disaster. 

So I pause this morning to remember that this is a normal stage of development. All our toddlers at some point bite, hit and scream, this we cannot control but what we can control is our reactions. Deep breathing has never been more helpful! If I have not mentioned it before my husband B is a child psychologist, I often defer to his advice on what to do in certain situations. We also look to books that may be helpful and the advice of seasoned parents we respect. Some of you may wonder how I can handle twins, a pregnancy, work and a household. Every child is different but below are my most common reactions and responses to the lovely toddlerisms,

1. No reaction: sometimes the answer is not to respond in the way they expect. Often if the situation will not result in something broken or hurt I will simply raise one eyebrow and let the child respond first. Example, the child is running and falls down hard after you told them not to run. I raise and eyebrow and wait for her response, the hurt of the fall is enough for her to learn the lesson.

2. Remove from the situation: This is more of a twin mom thing, but it applies to any child. Often our children will begin a tug-of-war over a toy and begin to scream, hit and bite each other until one gives up and sinks to the ground in tears. If they are not being too rough we let them work it out on their own, I do not want one twin to be labeled "the victim" she will need to learn how to stand up for herself. Sometimes mama needs to get involved and when that time comes I remove the twins from the situation placing them on opposite sides of the room. This also works for the times when a child is getting into something she shouldn't, in our house an example is playing with the curtains. I give a warning first, "E, no curtains please". If she does not listen then I pick her up and move her to the other side explaining, "Mama, said no curtains." as I relocate her.

3. Never withhold love: I am a huge believer in not withholding my love from the child for one-single-minute. Even when I am very mad I will say, "I love you BUT you cannot hit mama". When we remove the child from the situation we will still allow them to ask for comfort and it is freely given. Example is the child is relocated but asks for her lovey or a cuddle. We will give those to the child demonstrating that we can be mad at the situation but we will always love her.

4. Use simple language and do not try to reason with your toddler: It makes me laugh when people try to reason with their toddler. Developmentally speaking your toddler is not capable of reasoning at this point in her life so you are only frustrating her and yourself. Instead use simple language and give only two options, "Stop standing on the couch or go down on the floor."

5. Loudly praise positive behavior: Every time I see one of my girls share a toy, offer half her cracker to her sister or comfort her twin when she is sad I loudly and proudly praise that child. Use simple language, "That is so sweet!", "I love it when you share!", or "Yay, G that is great sharing!". When she responds really well to something you asked such as telling her not to pull the curtains and she leaves them alone after you ask give a huge smile and say something positive like, "Thank you for listening!". 

6. Do not do behavior you do not want them to mimic: Sounds simple but every parent has made this mistake! If you do not want your child to hit then do not hit her, if you do not want her to yell then keep your voice low, and if you want them to share with each other then you need to share with the children. Modeling positive behavior is important as well, I will cuddle the sad twin and then invite the other one to come and comfort her too or when they frustrate me I will take a deep breath and do a low hum to center myself (I have seen G do this lately which is adorable!). It's black and white, monkey-see-monkey-do, if you want good behavior from your children then you need to behave! 

As I said before, every child is different. I found Dr. Sear's books on different children's personalities very helpful in coming up with these 6 tips. According to him my children are "persistent personalities" and anyone who has been around us for even a few hours will confirm that this truly fits my girls! This was helpful when we were discussing how to react to Toddlerville because it helped us adjust our responses to their personality type. There is no escaping Toddlerville, it is a destination we all must visit so welcome to our Toddlerville, current population four. And to all of you with toddlers, "may the force be with you!".

Ditch Your Microwave!

A years ago as a young bride I was heating a seed filled “boo boo” pad in the microwave and it had a small explosion. Needless to say after that the unit was toast and the tiny apartment we were currently living in had an odd smell for a few days. At this point I was not very “green” and my motivation for not replacing the microwave was monetary...just not worth it! Fast forward a few years and I have been transformed to a green guru. Now my reasons for a microwave free kitchen are more grounded in fact. So here is the deal on microwaves,

The food molecules are transformed

Heating from the inside out. My favorite example is the burrito. The middle heats up faster then the outside so to the touch it appears to be uncooked and in need of more time. Then you bite into the beast and the middle is boiling lava hot, ouch! This process was enough for me to stay away from the unit but then I found that the process of microwaving food causes certain carcinogens. It shifts around the molecules causing the food to become unrecognizable by your body and / or toxic. In fact, in 1976 the Soviet Union banned the use of microwave ovens! (healthscience.com)

Not good for baby

Mothers are told in parenting classes, by seasoned mommies and by breastfeeding literature that breastmilk cannot be heated in the microwave. Have you ever wondered why? Why would it be okay for me to heat cows milk and drink it but I shouldn’t heat up human milk? It is because the process destroys important properties of the milk. On top of that it is recommended that formula should also not be microwaved,
“Microwaving baby formulas converted certain trans-amino acids into their synthetic cis-isomers. Synthetic isomers, whether cis-amino acids or trans-fatty acids, are not biologically active. Further, one of the amino acids, L-proline, was converted to its d-isomer, which is known to be neurotoxic (poisonous to the nervous system) and nephrotoxic (poisonous to the kidneys). It's bad enough that many babies are not nursed, but now they are given fake milk (baby formula) made even more toxic via microwaving." - Dr. Lita Lee of Hawaii

It changes your blood

This is truly creepy, here is what happened. “In 1991, there was a lawsuit in Oklahoma concerning the hospital use of a microwave oven to warm blood needed in a transfusion. The case involved a hip surgery patient, Norma Levitt, who died from a simple blood transfusion. It seems the nurse had warmed the blood in a microwave oven. This tragedy makes it very apparent that there's much more to "heating" with microwaves than we've been led to believe. Blood for transfusions is routinely warmed, but not in microwave ovens. In the case of Mrs. Levitt, the microwaving altered the blood and it killed her.” - Robert O. Becker's The Body Electric, and in Ellen Sugarman's book, Warning, the Electricity Around You May Be Hazardous to Your Health.


What’s a Green Guru To Do?

Get rid of the microwave! I have happily lived with out one for about 7 years. Yes, it does take a little longer to cook foods but if you have a working oven, a nice toaster, a convection oven and several pots then you will learn quickly how to deal. I have found that food just plain tastes better when it is heated in the conventional oven. So here is the dirty truth about that magical heating box in your kitchen, do with it what you may.

Resources

http://www.health-science.com/microwave_hazards.html
Robert O. Becker's The Body Electric, and in Ellen Sugarman's book, Warning, the Electricity Around You May Be Hazardous to Your Health.

"I will NOT be pregnant forever."

Humans were not created to be with child for 15 months in a row but that is how long I have been pregnant. My pregnancy with River ended far too soon, after we lost him we never thought we would get pregnant again, let alone so quickly. Low and behold our little rainbow chose the month after my surgery with River to be conceived. I think she might have been created the very week we were given the okay from the doctor to be together again. Therefore, I went seamlessly from one pregnancy to another, no breaks. 

Crafts have kept me busy!

Here I sit, very pregnant, in false labor for the fourth time and impatiently waiting for this rainbow to make her appearance. I do not want to rush this little girl into the world before she is ready but doesn't she understand how tired mama is of being pregnant? My reasons for wanting to labor are selfishly driven, this I understand. I have spent the better part of my days trying to center myself which led me to my new mantra, I will NOT be pregnant forever. 

The ironic part about all of this is I know I will miss her once she is born. It is such a miracle that I am pregnant in the first place that this little girl could be my last pregnancy, my last squishy baby, my last rainbow. She might not be, we could be blessed again, but I never take any baby in our family for granted. I know once she is born I will miss her little movements inside of me, the feeling of her baby hiccups and funny booty dances. I know I will miss that special pregnant feeling, when people smile at you in the grocery store and get the door for you. Soon I will be that crazy lady who had three kids in under two years. I will go back to looks of pity and rude comments from strangers about how loony I am to have so many kids so close together. Soon I will have to put on my brave face and take my "come back" comments out of my back pocket.

Soon...soon...but not right now. For now I am still pregnant, a mother of twins, a wife to B and a Professor on maternity leave. Right now I am still a holy vessel carrying and nurturing our third miracle child. Right now I anxiously await her arrival while freaking out that my house is not clean enough, my freezer is not full enough and I will never have enough cloth diapers.

For right now I am still pregnant.

How We Got Twins to Sleep 12 Hours by 12 Months

Recently my husband and I have received many inquiries on how we got our twins to sleep for twelve hours straight by themselves by a year old. I thought I would share with you the tricks that worked for us but please keep in mind that every child is different and responds to techniques in their own unique way! Also a short disclaimer...we are a little unorthodox!

The following tricks are a combination of different sleep training books I read and some things we made up along the way,

Trick #1 - The Bed Time Routine
Each night about an hour or 90 minutes before we wanted to go to bed we would begin a bed time routine. The house would become nice and quiet, few lights would be on, we would speak in soft voices. We would fill up their bellies with mama milk then I would hop into a warm bath with lavender oil and hum or sing to them softly as they cuddled me skin to skin. To avoid their skin drying out I would only wash them with gentle calendula soup once every four to five days. After the bath daddy would change them into bed time diapers and clothes then swaddle them nice and tight and we would all lie down in bed together. The girls became used to having a bed time routine, as they aged we slowly transitioned the bed time routine to fit their age. At almost two years old the routine now consists of dinner, a diaper change, gathering our loveys (stuffed kitty animals that the girls use as a security object), some cuddles and putting them to bed in their room. Then mama and daddy get grown up adult time downstairs all by ourselves! (with the video monitor on so mama can watch the babies sleep).

Trick #2 - The Family Bed

Daddy and E taking a nap on the couch

I warned you that we are a little unorthodox...we had a family bed until the girls were a year old. We tried having them in a crib in our room and in a side car but the only way we all got a decent nights sleep was cuddling up in the bed together. Part of it was the babies, they wanted to hear us breathing and feel our body warmth. Part of it was the ease of night time feedings, we could roll over and give them a bottle of mama milk then go back to sleep with out having to get out of bed. And part of it was mama paranoia, I know you all understand the impulse to check if the baby is breathing every ten minutes. When your child spent three months in the NICU that impulse is out of control. Add the fact that I am Hard of Hearing so I cannot hear them wake or breath and you have a recipe for disaster. I was up out of the bed checking on them so often that no one got any sleep. Having my babies right next to me helped me to sleep better, I often slept with a hand wrapped around them so I could feel the rise and fall of their bellies. If you worry about the "dangers" of family bed...don't! It is safe and a common practice around the world, just make sure your bed is free of any hazards and close to the ground. Our bed is not on a frame, just the mattress and box spring on the ground.

Trick #3 - Transitioning Out of the Bed or Transferring the Security Object
Almost every time I shared the fact that we practiced family bed with someone who did not they loved to warn me that I will never be able to get my babies out of bed with me. They always knew someone, somewhere that had a five year old still sleeping with his parents. Well I will tell you that it doesn't have to be that way! Our girls let us know when they were ready to move on and we listened. The indicators that they were ready for their own bed were the following, they woke up from OUR movements, they began to sleep crawl, and they searched for their own slice of the bed away from me rather then cuddling. We began the transition of moving them out of our bed by first moving them to a side car next to our bed. We gave them a security object (stuffed kitty cats) to so mama and daddy were no longer the security item but instead we had something portable. Once they were used to that we moved them into their own beds in their room and checked on them as needed. One of the hardest things for me to do was to stop checking on them, B soon realized I needed some peace of mind so he bought me a video monitor. Soon we were all fine on our own.

Trick #4 - Bed Time is NOT Play Time
When our girls woke up in the middle of the night we did not talk to them or mess with them at all. Instead we figured out the reason for the wakefulness, a dirty diaper, a swaddle blanket undone, or hunger. We fixed the problem with no talking just gentle hands and a kiss then went back to sleep. If they woke to play and nothing else we did not respond but instead wrapped them up tighter and cuddled them until they went back to sleep. They soon learned that night time was for sleeping. If they woke up when the sun was up then mama and daddy were fair game, even if that was at 6am but before the sun was sleep time.

Trick #5 - Don't Rock the Boat
If baby falls asleep downstairs in the bouncy chair by God do not wake up baby! We would carry the bouncy chair up stairs and place it beside our bed then when baby woke up for a feeding or diaper change we would change her for the night and cuddle her up into bed with us. This happened often, I would say easily two nights a week each child, if not both would fall asleep on their own downstairs with us and for that night that child would skip the routine.

As I said before, each child responds in their own unique way to techniques so some of these may not work for your child's personality. For our very high needs preemie babies these tricks helped us to have twelve full hours of sleep every-single-night. Our children go down to bed every night around seven and wake on their own around seven in the morning. They also have an afternoon routine with lunch time that leads to a one hour nap in the middle of the day. With the new child we will do the same routine and I am sure that in her own special way she will let us know what we need to adapt to her style. Hopefully some of these tricks help you to get your child sleeping 12 hours by 12 months!

Got Milk? - How a Village Saved My Babies

"Ora na azu nwa ~ It takes a village to raise a child"

African proverb

When my twins were born they were perfect, beautiful, and born to a family who had so much love to give. I wish their beginning could have been easier but that is not my girl's birth story. Their lives began too early from the womb and from day one we had problems getting them to eat well. They had feeding tubes until about four months old. Even when they left the NICU they came home with feeding tubes and were not gaining weight normally.

We discovered after some tests that the girls both had allergies to ingredients found in all formulas. This is why they were not gaining weight, their bodies could not absorb anything if it was under attack from allergies. Following my instincts and the medical advice from my doctor I tried to breastfeed. But the girls had horrible nippling issues and were used to a bottle. Pumping alone would not make my milk come in and the result was never enough milk for my medically fragile babies. Desperate I turned to my doctor for advice. He gave us a prescription for the local Milk Bank and I called them as soon as we arrived at home. Even with a prescription from the doctor stating that breast milk is medically necessary because of my twins allergies to formula they still wanted to charge us $3 an ounce plus the cost of overnight shipping in a refrigerator box. At that point my twins were consuming 60 ounces a day which would cost us $180 a day (plus the cost of shipping which was about $50). They did not take insurance and there was no way we could pay that high cost.

Our first full freezer

I have to admit at this point I panicked. I had to find a solution fast. This time I turned to the Internet and found two organizations that put mothers in touch with each other for milk sharing. I asked our doctor about the safety of doing such an adventure and he reassured me that breast milk, even from another mother, is perfectly healthy as long as we knew some medical background. What I quickly discovered is that the type of mother who is willing to donate her milk is the type of woman who fully discloses any information you would need to make an informed choice. I put a few ads up and said some prayers. Quickly women from all over our state responded to me offering their freezer stash of liquid gold. We packed up our girls and traveled to these milky destinations, sometimes hundreds of miles away.

Over the next year I would form friendships that have lasted to this day. I am so grateful to these women for saving my children but also welcoming us into their lives. These women that I once met to transfer frozen milk from her cooler to mine are now some of my close friends. Our children have grown up together, we have shared birthday parties, births of new babies and holidays. 

With the birth of our third child coming any day I hope and pray that I can donate back to the universe. The African proverb is true, sometimes it does take a village to raise a child. For our family it took a village to feed our children! Seeing how milk sharing blessed our lives I can only imagine how amazing it will be to bless someone else. I hope that this blog post encourages you to donate your freezer stash, if you should decide to do so I have listed the organizations I have used below.

Human Milk for Human Babies - a Facebook group, you can post there if you are able to donate or need donations. 

Eats on Feets - also a Facebook group

Parent's Place - a local group that provides support and classes, for locals check out their Yahoo group to post about milk sharing.

To all the mothers who joined our "village" I cannot thank you enough. I hope you all know how much we love and appreciate you!