Baby Showers, Blessingways and Birth Preparation

The entrance of my twin girls to this world was like a summer storm, we saw it coming on the horizon but the full impact could not be determined, predicted or contained. They burst into our lives with such a great force that a baby shower was the last thing on anyone's mind. Instead of celebrating we survived. Each person came forward with their own gifts and offerings to our little girls, individual dinners and visits were welcomed and cherished. During this time I did feel sad that there was nothing traditional about their birth, that I didn't have a baby shower or the normal newborn experience but I was so happy to be a mother, finally, that I let it all go and enjoyed my little ones.

This time around I wanted the celebrations, the party, the cooing over my big belly and the blessings and support of my dear friends. I was the happy recipient of both a baby shower and a Blessingway.  The baby shower was held by my dear friend Bethany. We go way back to the days of pleated plaid school skirts, really bad hair and band instruments that never should have been shoved on a bus! She did the most amazing party for me, every detail was thought out and everyone there saw her decorations and preparations with awe. But it was not the actual party that stood out to me the most, it was having my dear friends who I rarely see all in the same room at the same time. We played games and had many giggles along with a few tears of joy and when I finally went home I felt so blessed to have so many wonderful women in my life.

Birth art created by myself

The Blessingway was a different type of celebration. It is a Native American ceremony that takes the focus off of gifts and places it on to the wonderment of birth. Each Blessingway is different and has different ceremonies, mine had the bead ceremony. Each woman brings a bead that represents herself, she tells the expecting mother why the bead represents her journey to motherhood or the significance. The honored mother then makes a necklace out of the beads or puts them on display in the birth area to remind her of all the women who made this journey before her and that each one of them is offering prayer and support during labor. I took the bead from my mother and a very special bead from a very good friend and wove them together in a necklace. From that day I have worn the necklace as a reminder that birth is coming and to mentally center myself. The other beads were lovingly placed in a special bowl for the birth environment, I will be able to take them out individually during labor to focus on that person's prayers. 

Since these two celebrations I have been centering myself for birth. I wear the necklace as well as some prayer beads daily. I also took time to create some birth art to use as a focal point in labor. The next thing I will do is have my mother help me paint henna on my belly and hands. Each day that passes I know I am closer to the birth experience I always wanted and I feel the excitement building. In a way this baby has helped me come full circle, my twin daughters made me a mother but through this child I will get a full birth experience. I feel truly blessed and very grateful.

Why I Chose a Midwife

I often have people ask me why I chose a midwife over the traditional choice of an OB. For me I never saw a choice, I always knew I would prefer a midwife. In my area OBs run the show, midwives do not have hospital privileges in my town. The OB offices almost have a post office feel.  You take a number and sit down, then wait, fill out paper work, then wait, pee in a cup, then wait, you are transferred to a sterile room where you sit on paper and wait, wait, wait. The doctor finally arrives and must glance at your chart to remember your name. He talks to you while looking at his notes or writing more notes down, sometimes he takes out a tape recorder and talks about you in the third person. He orders more tests, gives you a lecture on eating healthy and then sends you to the front desk where they take your co-pay and make you another appointment. Sound familiar? 

Before we chose a midwife I had gone through several OB practices and infertility doctors searching for answers but they were all the same. Cold, often uncaring, and following procedure. I felt less human and more robotic, part of a system or well oiled machine. With our twins we had no choice, we were forced into a antibacterial NICU with several doctors and nurses who loved to play the doomsday game while calling me a "hippie" for trying to refuse tests, immunizations or opt for breast milk over formula. I am thankful that my children are alive today, I recognize that they needed medical intervention but I also see that in many ways I was right and they were wrong. I know this because when they finally came home and I took over they thrived and were no longer "medically fragile".

With our last baby, River, and this new rainbow I wanted something different. I wanted fewer tests and more conversation. I wanted compassion, love and empathy. I wanted birth, not a drug induced coma. I wanted a WOMAN who had faced birth head on as a warrior mother. A woman who would look at me in labor and say, "I know..." and I would feel that she really did know. I wanted a person, not a doctor. 

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I do not take anything of this nature lightly, I dove head first into research about midwifes, different certifications, homebirth v. birth center birth and safety. My poor husband was subject to books and articles, movies and Internet print outs. Weeks and weeks of research led me to a list of over 20 questions to ask a midwife. Then I began my phone interviews. I called seven different women, asked them my questions and tried to get a vibe for their personalities. Kelly was one of the last midwives I interviewed. I felt us "click" over the phone and made an appointment to meet her in person. As soon as I met her I felt at ease, she was calm and so at peace. I have often said that I see her as the color yellow, cheery and bright and full of love. 

My appointments were typically an hour long, most of it was conversation. We did the occasional test like checking for protein or sugar in the urine, listening to the heartbeat and the traditional blood test in the first trimester. She encouraged me to research the other tests and was fine with me declining ones I felt were unnecessary like the genetics test. She was open to alternative testing, when it came time for me to test for gestational diabetes she was fine with me testing at home over four days instead of the typical orange drink test. I always felt supported, that she heard me and she was doing what was best for me and baby.

When I hear about the trials some of my pregnant friends are experiencing such as unnecessary tests, trouble declining tests or medications, doctors who are pushy about induction or pitocin or c-sections it makes me truly sad. Our nation is doing our women a disservice by making choices based on liability concerns. When the question becomes, "How can this come back to haunt me?" instead of "Is this in the best interest of the mother and child?" we should be frightened. 

My pregnancy is not an illness, my birth is not an emergency situation. I am young, I have low blood pressure, I do not have gestational diabetes or preeclampsia so why would I go somewhere that sick people go? If you ask me why I chose a midwife the answer is simple, because I trust my body and so does she. 

If any of my readers are thinking about hiring a midwife, here is my list of 21 questions!
1. What services do you offer?
2. What are the prices for your services and how do you work payments?
3. Do you have a billing service to deal with my insurance?
4. How do you make sure that the full placenta is passed to avoid a hemorrhage?
5. What techniques do you recommend in labor to cope with pain management?
6. How do you feel about delayed cord clamping?
7. What are your "red flags" for transferring to the hospital?
8. If we transfer will you come with us and how is that handled?
9. What if our baby is breached?
10. What are your birth stats, how many mothers have transferred, how many deaths (if any), and how many of your clients end up with c-sections?
11. Are you currently certified as a midwife and by what organization?
12. What life saving measures are you currently certified in?
13. Do you participate in formal peer review with other midwives?
14. How many births have you attended?
15. If you are sick or otherwise unavailable during my labor, who will attend to me?
16. How many clients do you take each month?
17. How familiar are you with procedures in the hospital?
18. How long are you willing to wait for a baby in a bad position to change positions before labeling the pregnancy high risk?
19. What percentage of your clients tear and how do you try to prevent tearing?
20. What equipment do you normally bring to the birth (birthing stool? blow-up pool? oxygen? ambu-bag? pitocin shot?)
21. What do you normally do while I am in labor?

A huge thank you to Kelly, our amazing midwife, my ray of sunshine. We cannot wait to have you catch our little rainbow!

Welcome to my new blog! With the arrival of our third baby girl approaching quickly I thought I would begin a new blog so I can post all my new ramblings. So for those of you who are new here is a little about my family and what I tend to blog about.

I am Anya and my husband B and I are high school sweethearts, we married on our four year anniversary. About seven years ago we thought it was a little odd that we were so young, not preventing and never had any pregnancies so we began a long journey of tests to find out if something was wrong. After months the only information we had was that there was something wrong and three different doctors told us not to get our hopes up, it might never happen for us. 

Well I do not take no for an answer! Two years ago we were blessed with amazing twin girls, G&E. We counted ourselves very lucky and thought our family of four was complete. Then when the girls were nine months old we got a positive pregnancy test. Over joyed we began the process of preparing to be a family of five. We never expected to loose baby R, it was late in the pregnancy too. We never did get a reason to why our third little baby died, he just left us and went to God. Following a Native American tradition we named him after something in nature. Many tribes believe that children who die in the womb or very young were never meant to be in our world, they always belonged to nature. So we named him River because we were only a part of his journey. Heartbroken we decided that our family of four was enough and began to rebuild our lives. As we all know God usually has different plans. We received another positive pregnancy test, each month crawled by with our little baby thriving and now we are only a couple weeks away from her due date. As you can see my journey to motherhood was long, at times depressing, but in the end it is such a miracle. No one can look at my family and say that it is not truly amazing!

As a family we live a simple and organic life style. I tend to post on mother related topics or themes of "going green" or living simply in harmony with nature. I am HOH (hard of hearing) and as a family we embrace the Deaf Culture and use ASL. For the last 8 years I have been a teacher and the final three years I have been a Professor of American Sign Language at my local university. 

I hope that in these posts I can find a creative outlet for my writing, help those who would like to live a little more green, or just provide a good laugh to other mamas. I am not perfect, but I can promise that any advice I give in my posts is tested by me first. 

So that's me...off to my first real post!